Endings are Simply New Beginnings in the Making

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. - Ecclesiastes 3:11

I swore I would never start a blog because of the fact I never really thought I ever had much to say. Not consistently, frequently, or witty enough anyways. But because of my impending study abroad shenanigans (and the fact that my travel writing course requires that we blog for each assignment) I guess now would be the best time to start.

I've been home for summer for around 3 weeks now. And the honeymoon effect of coming home definitely outwore its appeal I'd say, oh, about a week ago. I really do love being home (ish) because I hands down won the parent lottery. My family could beat up your family any day. Promise. But Midland just doesn't quite feel like "home" anymore. It's just one of the 92408573485 changes I've been dealing with for the past several months. It seems like nothing was the way I left it at the end of my freshman year. And while that's not necessarily the most terrible news ever, it still makes a control freak like me unbelievably anxious.

This year has been the best slash worst year.. Quite possibly ever. Every upperclassman swore that this year would be the year you find out who your true friends are, the year all of your classes get that much harder, the year where everything seems new and different, for the simple reason you no longer live on campus (fact). But no one was able to tell me just how absolutely ridiculous this year would pan out. I can only speak for myself, but 10 bucks says that if you ask any of my other friends they'd all agree that this year was a turning point in almost all of our lives.

I'll spare you the gory details as to why everything I experienced this year was either super duper awesome, or just horrifyingly miserable. But that seems to be the theme of the 2010-2011 school year. There was literally no in between. I know life isn't supposed to be lukewarm, but the extreme highs and lows that accompanied this year left me with emotional whiplash that was, for lack of a better word, just weird. One constant reminder of just how blessed I am, however, were/are the best friends and sisters anyone could possibly ask for. And I know my poor mom's ear is raw from all the phone calls she had to endure, especially over the last couple of months. I was SO beyond ready to leave school, and so NOT ready to go all at the same time. Eventually and inevitably though, I left Waco just a little sooner than I would have liked and dragged my heavy heart and suitcases back home for yet another West Texas summer. Well, partial summer anyways.

Taken on the ride back to good ol' Midland

I'm relieved and somewhat bitter at beginning this new chapter of my life. I'm entirely too immature to be a junior in college, that's for sure. I also can't believe my baby cousin and all the babies at my high school graduated this past weekend. I finally understand what my mom means when she says she feels old.. But I think this summer will be good for me. I have a lot of time to myself to sort out everything I've been bottling up and dealing with recently. It's been a struggle since April for me to trust my life's direction. And there's been more than one instance (closer to a billion actually) when I've questioned and fought tooth and nail against everything God has planned for me. My thoughts have literally consisted of "Surely this isn't where I'm supposed to be in life" or "Uh.. Hey God? It's me, Courtney. I'm still down here, just in case you forgot." But time and time again, His love and faithfulness has led me to believe that my life is literally just beginning and to place my complete trust in His plan. It's His time, not mine, that I'm living on.

I leave for Europe in 36 days (not like I've had this countdown going since day 164 or anything) and, for once, this timing couldn't be more perfect. I've been holding on to letting go for entirely too long now. After wallowing for an inappropriate amount of time, I'm finally ready for my life to radically change for the better. Hopefully, the less than satisfying ending I had for this year will soon become an incredible new beginning. But for now, I'll just keep reading my devotional (Jesus Calling, if you don't have it, go out and buy it NOW) and trust that everything that happens has a purpose. And maybe one day the dreams I have for myself will align with the dreams God has already planned to turn into reality. Fingers crossed.

PS here's a picture of Payton, the cousin I was talking about. Not trying to sound like we're kissin' cousins from Arkansas or anything, but he's really turned into a looker over the years. All the ladies of Lubbock, TX, are going to be oh so lucky when he gets there this fall. And, yes,  I realize this is just a picture of his back, but what a manly back it is right?